I have had a bad week...you see I missed out on five million dollars!

Here’s what happened.

I received this email and thought my ship had come in.

Dear Sir/Madam,

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your Contract/Inheritance file presently on our desk.

We found out that you have not fulfilled the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.

I thought well that’s probably true I have been pretty busy lately...

The letter goes on...

Secondly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.

OK, you’re the boss (and I was having so much fun talking to those non-officials).

After the Board of directors meeting held in Abuja, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem.

I wasn’t sure I had a problem but OK.

We have arranged your payment through our SWIFT PAYMENT CENTRE (UBA BANK).

This is part of an instruction/mandate passed by the Senate in respect to overseas contract payment and debt re-scheduling.

Phew thank goodness for the senate I thought...they aren’t just down there in that red room in Canberra squabbling and carrying on - our tax dollars are at work!

You will be provided with access to an online account in which your funds, Five million Unites States Dollars ($5,000,000.00); will be deposited.

OK sounds good to me, the highlife here I come!

As soon as you have been provided with the online account details, you can login to the banks website and then transfer your funds to your designated bank account. If you like to receive your fund this way,

Kindly reconfirm your

(1) Your Full Name:
(2) Full residential address:
(3) Age
(4) Occupation
(5) Phone and Fax Number:

And then it hit me, Oh no I don’t have a fax number!

Obviously this is vital information to these nice people who are so desperately trying to give me my inheritance.

Why oh why did I get rid of my fax machine and go to an email only office!!

Curse you Bill Gates (or whoever actually invented email)!

Oh well, at least there’s that 32 million dollars I am helping the deposed King of Namibia rescue from his bank account next week.

Note: In case you aren’t aware emails such as these are fraudulent and should be deleted. If it looks too good to be true, it is!